Today I’m grateful for heartbreak. The Lord has plans for each and every one of us and it is so, so apparent. As much as I am in love with Austin, our heart posture and future aspirations did not align. I’m heartbroken that another girl could be the one to spend forever by his side, but as a best friend of his all I can do is be supportive. I’m heartbroken that it took losing a potential future to realize my mistakes and how much I was willing to throw away for the sake of loving him.
I still love him, and I will always be grateful for every moment I spent with him, but I am even more grateful that of all people he was the one that broke my heart. He did it respectfully, and I haven’t lost him completely. I’m grateful for heartbreak and for heartbreakers.
Today I am grateful for the good ol’. CSU has brought me almost all of the things I have written about. Without it I’d have no Austin, no Keara, no Madeline, no Bailey, no Amanda or Reagan, no Elevate, no sense of spontaneity, no drives to be thankful for… none of the above.
I am grateful for every opportunity that has come my way since being here, and I am grateful for every person who has both exited and entered my life since being here. Here’s to you, good ol’ CSU.
Today, like every Thursday, I was continually in a setting filled with worship from 3:30pm until the end of elevate at around 9:30pm. Through all of last semester, and particularly this semester I have realized the importance of allowing myself to be lead in worship rather than always wanting to lead and use my gift. Last school year I was leading worship in three different ministries, and at one point there was not a single Sunday I was not in a leadership position. Although God was so gracious by allowing me to use my gifts continually, this routine became quite detrimental to my faith because in the end it was just that: a routine. I was training myself to be up at 7 every Sunday and to lead the congregation. Learning music became just learning notes and relying on the screens to help with lyrics, while in the end learning worship music should really be the opposite. It should be about the words and allowing them to resonate rather than sounding perfect. Bands fall apart but when that band is worshiping with full hearts for the Lord, God is still being glorified. Today I am grateful for the opportunities I’ve had to be lead rather than allows leading.
This didn’t post yesterday and I’m quite upset about it. I am so grateful for worship music. Learning It Is Well in a different language reminds me of how incredible it is to worship the same Lord as people around the entire world. Worship music is my true joy.
I’m not going to lie, today was really difficult to think of something new that I was grateful for. It’s the first time since I began doing this that I really had to think about it, but at the end of the day I am yet again grateful for Austin.
He is constantly making sure I’m okay. He never fails to make sure I feel secure in any situation we enter. He truly does care for me and it means the entire world. I absolutely adore this boy, and I never foresee him leaving my life. Whether we’re together forever, whether he’s just my best friend, or ideally both. He will always have a really special place in my heart.
Today I was forced out of my room by Bailey. I really didn’t want to do much, but it ended up being fun. I bonded with Emma while we walked on the beach, I shared a blanket with my new friend Darcy while watching the blood moon at the reflection pond, coined the term “nug me”, and adopted (purchased with arcade tickets) a cute squishy dinosaur. His name was Roger.
Unfortunately Roger didn’t make it very far in life. He exploded all over Emma. Today I am grateful for my new friend, a newly developed relationship with a good acquaintance, and some bonding time with one of my best friends.
01/20/2019 8:45pm – 01/21/2019 12:42am
Today was absolutely GORGEOUS. 70° in the middle of January… absolutely unheard of back home! After a nice hike with Madeline, Amanda called me. She wanted to hangout and I was so excited! We walked along the beach and watched the sun set. It was quite beautiful. After that we took a walk in this cute little memorial park and then got Moes. I love Moes.
Amanda is so intelligent and so, so fun. She gives the best advice and she’s incredibly genuine. It was so nice bonding with her today and enjoying the nice weather together. Today I’m grateful for Amanda.